Secret Santa
by KateInTheNight
Summary: Frisk thought it would be a trivial task to explain the art known as "Secret Santa" to the monsters. Apparently, they thought wrong. Or: Frisk tries to explain Secret Santa to the monsters. It doesn't go too well.


**So, first attempt at a story that doesn't quickly spiral down into darkness and is solely focused on humor?**

 **Welp, here we go. (This probably isn't going to go too well...)**

* * *

Six monsters and one human sat in a circle on the ground.

"And that's how to play the game." said Frisk, finished with their explanation. "Any questions?"

Sans lazily raised his left hand. "Yes Sans?"

"i might have fallen asleep during your explanation..." Sans sheepishly scratched his hand behind his skull. "can you explain how to-"

Frisk interrupted Sans with glare. " _Next._ "

"WELL, UNLIKE MY INCONSIDERATE BROTHER OVER THERE," Papyrus shot Sans a glare. Sans gave him a cheeky grin. "I DO HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK YOU."

"Ask away Papyrus."

"WHAT IS THIS 'SANTA' YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT?"

"Oh, um..." Frisk scratched their chin in thought as they figured out a way to explain _Santa_ to someone. "First of all, Santa is a _who_ , not a what."

"OH WHOOPS, MY MISTAKE."

"Second of all, Santa is someone who comes at night to deliver presents to children all over the world."

"WOWIE! HOW DOES HE GET TO EVERYONE?"

"He uses a sleigh."

Papyrus frowned. "A SLEIGH? HOW DOES HE TRAVEL TO OTHER CONTENENTS THEN? OR WHAT IF HIS SLEIGH CANNOT TRAVEL THROUGH SOME OF THE TERRAIN?"

"It's a flying sleigh."

"HUH? HOW DOES IT FLY?"

"It's pulled by flying reindeer."

"OH."

"Hold on!" interjected Alphys. "That doesn't make any sense! None of this does!"

Undyne frowned. "Whaddya mean Alphys? It makes perfect sense to me! A guy rides a flying sleigh pulled by flying reindeer and delivers presents to kids every Christmas night." Then, her face lit up. "That sounds pretty cool now that I think about it…"

"No! How would flying reindeer be able to pull all that weight without the sleigh dragging them down?! A full grown man and millions of presents on a single sleigh must be really heavy. Scientifically, it doesn't add up! Also, how does this 'Santa' deliver presents to everyone? Does he just go up to everyone's door and knocks? Logically, that would-"

"He delivers the presents by going through chimneys." said an exasperated Frisk.

"And what if a house doesn't have a chimney? How would he deliver presents like that? Also, doesn't that mean he would have to land on a roof? The weight of the sleigh, reindeers, and presents combined would make the roof cave in!"

Asgore frowned. "Now that you point out all these flaws, I must question how this 'Santa' operates. For example, why would he fly at night? Wouldn't flying in broad daylight give him better visibility?"

"Exactly! There are so many flaws with this!"

Frisk threw up their hands. "Ugh! I thought we were supposed to be discussing Secret Santa! Plus, none of this matters because Santa isn't even real!"

Alphys had a surprised look on her face as well as the rest of the monsters. "R-really?" she stuttered out. "Then why didn't you say so in the first place?"

Frisk buried their head in their hands. They thought this would be so much easier to explain.

Toriel, seeing Frisk's current predicament, smiled and asked, "Well, why don't we move on to some other questions?"

Frisk unburied their head. "Yes, why don't we?" _Thank god for goat mom…_

Sans raised his hand. "Sans?"

"i still don't know exactly what this game is about and what Santa has to do with it. you mind explaining-"

" _Yes_ , I do mind. Next question."

Asgore tentatively raised his hand. "Yes?"

"So," he began slowly. "This game called 'Secret Santa' is where everyone gets a random name and has to buy a present for that person, but that person doesn't know who's getting them their present?"

Frisk nodded their head. "Yep!" _Finally, someone gets this ga-_

"But why can't we tell anyone who we're getting the present for? How would you know what to get that person if you can't ask them what they want?"

Frisk groaned to themselves. _Crap, spoke too soon._

"That's basically the point. It's supposed to be a _surprise._ "

He frowned. "But what if your person doesn't like their gift? Then-"

"Don't worry Asgore, I'm sure you know everyone here well enough to buy a suitable gift for them. If not, just get them something everyone likes, like hot chocolate mix or something."

"Erm, I'm actually lactose intolerant." said Alphys.

Frisk felt like they were going to have a meltdown right now. _Seriously, even running from a spear- throwing, raging, Undyne was so much easier then this…_

"heh, don't worry alph, everyone knows you're into anime and science-y stuff. no one's gonna get you hot chocolate."

For the first time, Frisk was actually thankful Sans was sitting here today.

"Oh yeah, I guess that's true."

"plus, everyone can write their likes on a slip of paper beforehand so everyone knows what to get each other."

Murmurs of agreement ran through the circle.

Frisk was now _really_ grateful Sans was here right now. Then, something occurred to them.

"Wait a minute," they began, narrowing their eyes. "You kept asking for explanations on how to play the game earlier, and now you're suddenly an expert on it?"

"well, i mean, i sorta pieced it together through fluffybun's quick recap and everyone's questions."

Frisk pinched the bridge of their nose. "So what you're telling me is that you didn't get _any_ my long, carefully thought out, detailed, explanation, but you got the gist of the game through Asgore's five second summary and random details scattered throughout?"

"pretty much."

"IF IT HELPS HUMAN, I DIDN'T GET ANY OF THE FIVE SECOND SUMMARY AT ALL EITHER."

Frisk ignored Papyrus. _"How?"_

"well, i might have searched it up on my phone while everyone was asking questions…"

"Wait," Undyne interrupted. "You're telling me, that an easier explanation for this game was on the internet this whole time?"

"i thought everyone knew that. the internet basically does have everything you know."

"I thought this was just some game that Frisk made up on the spot!"

Frisk shot a glare at Undyne. "And here I thought that you were one of the ones listening the whole time!"

"Hey!" Undyne said defensively. "I was!"

"Oh?" said Frisk while raising an eyebrow. "Then did you miss the part where I said that it was a popular game that many people played during the holidays?"

"When did you say that?!"

"At the very beginning!"

"Well, in Undyne's defense, it has been thirty minutes since the beginning of your explanation…it's not a surprise that some of us would start forgetting finer details like that…"

"You're not helping Alphys!" hissed Frisk.

"Now, now everybody, why don't we all take a step back and calm down?" asked Toriel, trying to defuse the situation. "Now, if anybody has any questions on how the game works, please ask one at a time. And do it politely please."

Asgore raised his hand. "Yes Asgore?"

"What about gift pricing? What if someone buys a hundred-dollar gift for me, but I only buy my person a fifty dollar gift? That seems a bit unfair."

"TRUE, NO ONE CAN MATCH THE QUALITY OF MY AMAZING SPAGETTI!"

"Yeah..." Undyne said slowly. "There would be a major difference between store bought and homemade!"

Frisk actually had a solution to this one. _Finally, something I can answer…_

"Okay, so first, we are going to vote on whether we're doing homemade gifts, or store bought ones. All in favor for homemade, raise your hand."

Unsurprisingly, the two hands that went up were Papyrus's and Toriel's.

"I BELIEVE IN DEDICATION AND EFFORT IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY GIFTS!"

"I must agree with Papyrus on this one. Dedication and effort are very important when gifting someone a gift."

"THANK YOU YOUR MAJESTY! AT LEAST SOMEONE-" Papyrus shot a glare at Sans. Sans looked away and started whistling. "AGREES THAT THE GIFTING PROCESS TAKES EFFORT AND DEDICATION!"

"Well," said Frisk, looking around. "Everyone else is in favor of store bought, so it looks like there won't be any homemade gift giving today."

"Actually, I'll be voting in favor of homemade gifts too."

Frisk couldn't stop the groan that escaped their mouth. "Why would you change your mind _after_ we finished voting?"

"Well, I was raising my hand earlier; you just didn't notice me…"

"Then why did you move behind me, out of my line of sight?!"

"Erm, you were the one that moved when you were counting the number of people who wanted to do homemade."

Frisk wanted to tear their hair out right now. Instead, they took a deep breath and counted down from three to one in their head. _Calm down Frisk, you can do this…_

"Still, its four to three, we're doing store bought."

"Huh, I'm kinda surprised you didn't choose homemade Frisk." commented Alphys.

They shrugged. "Ambassador stuff is killing me right now. I'm pretty sure I don't know the meaning of sleep anymore. Store bought is just easier for me."

Toriel instantly grew worried. "My child! Why didn't you tell me this before? I could've-"

Frisk waved her off. "It's okay mom. I'm fine."

"Are you sure my child?"

"Seriously, it's okay. I _promise_ to let you know if I need help."

"Very well, if you say so.." Toriel trailed off uncertainly.

"Anyways," Frisk continued. "Now that we've chosen store-bought, we need to set a limit on how much people should spend on their gifts. I was thinking forty dollars?"

Papyrus rested his hand on his chin. "HMM, THAT SEEMS A BIT-"

Frisk interrupted Papyrus. "There's plenty of things you can get for forty dollars. Especially since lots of stores offer discounts this time of year." _Please accept this answer…._

Papyrus seemed satisfied with their answer. "VERY WELL HUMAN. I HAVE NO OBJECTIONS."

Frisk gave a mini sigh of relief. _At least that's one internal crisis that won't be happening anytime soon…_

"Anyone else?" Frisk scanned the room. No one spoke up. They let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

"Well anyways, are there any more questions?" _Please say everyone understands…_

Frisk wanted to bang their head on the wall when Undyne raised her hand. Still, with a barely concealed sigh, they asked, "What's your question Undyne?"

"Well, Asgore when said something about people not knowing who their gifter was, it got me thinking. If you're not supposed to know who your gifter is, then how are you supposed to give your person your gift without them finding out who you are?"

"You're supposed to reveal yourself when you're giving the present Undyne."

She frowned. "Then what's the point of calling it 'Secret Santa' if you're just going to reveal yourself at the end? It's not really a secret anymore." Then, her face lit up. "It would be so much cooler if you had to act like a ninja to give your present to someone. That would be so cool!"

"THAT WOULD BE VERY COOL!"

"See?! Even Papyrus agrees with me!"

"i dunno, being all ninja like seems like too much work to me."

"YOU THINK EVERYTHING REQUIRES TOO MUCH WORK SANS!"

"what? it really does."

"WELL," Papyrus grumbled. "EVERYTHING BUT SLEEPING APPARENTLY."

Sans grinned while saying, "sleep is the gift that keeps on giving."

Frisk shrugged. "I gotta agree with Sans on that one."

"WHAT? HUMAN, WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THAT?!"

"M-me t-too!" chimed Alphys.

"YOU TOO ALPHYS?!"

"Hold on!" interjected Undyne. "You still haven't answered my question Frisk!"

"I already told you! You reveal yourself at the end!"

"But wouldn't that defeat the purpose of calling it 'Secret Sa-"

"Well too bad! That's just how the game works!"

"Why can't we change it then?"

"I'm pretty sure that most everyone here wouldn't be very good at acting like a ninja." said Toriel, trying to prevent another argument.

"It's okay! I can just train everyone!"

"I don't think that's a very good idea…" said Toriel, sweating nervously. She remembered the last time Undyne had taken them all for a training session. She couldn't move any of her body parts for the next two weeks.

"Nah, you guys will be in good han-"

"Erm..Undyne, I have to agree with Toriel this time."

Undyne's expression softened. "If you say so Alph."

The rest of the circle stopped sweating and let out a collective sigh of relief. They all remembered the last training session they went through. _Thank goodness for Alphys…_

Frisk wasn't going to hide their frustration anymore. They thought it would be easy to explain the concept of Secret Santa to the monsters. Apparently, they thought wrong.

"Any _more_ questions?" they managed to grit through their teeth.

There was a moment of silence from everyone. Frisk's eyes widened. _Could it be that everyone finally-_

Papyrus raised a hand. " _Yes_ , Papyrus?" _Why me?_

"I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS 'SANTA' HAS TO DO WI-"

Frisk couldn't take it anymore. Even with all the determination they had, they had finally reached their breaking point. They let out a large groan before muttering, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room thinking about my recent life decisions." With those words, Frisk marched up the stairs and into their room, slamming the door behind them.

The monsters stared in the direction that Frisk went. Alphys was the first one to speak up.

"I think we broke them…"

Sans scratched the back of his skull. "huh, i guess even they have a breaking point."

Undyne frowned. "I never thought I would see that coming in a million years."

"I might have asked one too many questions…" Asgore admitted.

Toriel sighed. "I'll go talk to them." Then, she stood up and walked up the stairs to Frisk's room.

After Toriel left, the rest of the monsters sat in silence.

"SANS?"

"what is it pap?"

"SHOULD I AVOID THE TOPIC OF SECRET SANTA FOR THE REST OF THE DAY?"

"heh, you want my advice?"

"YES, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST BROTHER?"

"i'd avoid talking about secret santa or going near the topic ever again. the kid _will_ tear us a new one."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Undertale**

 **Welp, even Frisk's got a breaking point. Poor Frisk...**

 **So that concludes the story of why Frisk refuses to even mention the topic of secret santa. Seriously, going through all that can be pretty traumatizing.**

 **Anyways, Merry Christmas (eve) to all of you! Hope you enjoy it!**


End file.
